back to nature.

tee: H&M Project Blackbook * leggings with leather applications: H&M * shoes: Jeffrey Campbell Mary Roks * rings: Mango and random boutique in Poland

i am a city girl, no doubt.
but once in a while, i love shutting down and just be here where i am.
no big lights, no busy streets, no fuss.
just peace.

xoxo

maxi + biker

WARNING: PHOTO OVERLOAD!



head to toe: H&M

this has been my uniform for the week. maxi dresses plus biker jackets.
no brainers but super comfy for miguel´s playdates!
i love watching miguel play.
it just makes me realize how fast time flies and how fast he grows.
if only i can press pause and enjoy the time with him as a baby forever.
i know not everyone of you can relate but being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
no shoes, no clothes or bags can ever compensate.

xoxo

will be back..

my family comes first.
;)
will be back soon!
love you guys..

Sunday

if i have another weakness aside from pretty, delicious shoes, it's definitely beddings. i love to watch these bedroom makeover shows on the lifestyle network (haha) and immediately want to go to zara home or ikea, check out new beddings. these shows are literally banned from our home because le boyf once said we have way tooooo many beddings. way too many for this two bedroom appartment. and these shows are not really good influences on my weak heart. so as everybody was busy sale shopping, i was busy scouring in the sale section for bed covers over at zara home. :) amidst the sale, i did again pretty much damage as it was not really cheap. but it was well worth it. (i have never imagined the day i would be blogging about bed sheets.)

the loot

the aftermath

the king of the room. :)

i was back at zara to see if these studded hotties seen on frichic still available. lo and behold, they were. but only in 38. i was not sure if it did fit or if i was just convincing myself that it was not too big.

i did not get them, but i can't take them off my mind. should i go back and check if they still have it? i am having nightmares people. if it's still there, isn't it meant to be?

instead, i got these badass booties.

they're super fugly but it was love at first sight. can't wait to play with these babies.

so my sunday was pretty chill. i decided i need a mommy break and went to town for a chai latte, alone. it was so empty and still. pretty much like i was feeling without my boys.

so i went home, watched the devil wears prada for the nth time, chowed on some cadbury's, did some diys, talked to my aunt, took a nap and snapped some pictures of the bed. a mommy break at it's best but knowing that my boys are just one room away made it even more satisfying.

so what's your sunday like?

5 days to go.. my christmas decors

christmas is extra special this year because of him:

so i got crazy on the decoration front since i want this to be the most memorable christmas ever. the first one with my own family.

my tree.


the lamp, you've seen already

the hallway mirror




the fireplace, that isn't working, too bad.

and the dining area. we got some new chairs since his fam and my aunt will be celebrating christmas eve with us! fun..

and ps: do you know where ida of rougemarie is? been missing her badly! if you do, please tell her i said hi.

Happy One Month MIGS!

warning: this post is nothing about fashion, is kinda lengthy and cheesy. if you're not up for it, you can close the window now. i won't mind. :)

Hey Miguel! So, you’re one month old now. I am writing this while you are sleeping but anytime soon, i know you’ll be awake.

I just want you to know that i am so happy to have you. You make me feel complete as a person. I thought being pregnant would complete me as a woman, but being able to give birth to you, has made me more than complete. Fulfilled. The pain i had bringing you here is all worth it. This may be a cliche, as every single mother i know has told me this, as i heard you shouting the moment you came out of me, the pain is all forgotten.

Everytime you stop crying when i feed you, or everytime you smile (i know you still don’t mean it) makes me the happiest person in this world. I AM A MOTHER. I never thought that i can love this MUCH. Or be patient this MUCH. It’s been a month that i have not gotten enough sleep but you are like an award for everything good i have done in my 22 years of existence. No amount of money, shoes (yes, mommy loves shoes!) or sleep can ever replace the feeling of contentment you give me everyday. You are the reason why i am still alive. The feeling of completeness makes me sometimes thing i could die now, but i choose not to because i know you still need me. And deep inside me hopes you will need me longer than forever, if there's such a thing. As each day goes by, i notice how fast you grow, how you can now hold your head up alone, or how you can now slowly hold your bottle by yourself. I am so afraid of the day that you will be a grown-up and start to have a family of your own. I know it’s still too early to think about this, but the last month have been so fast that i didn’t even recognize it gone by. As i look at you while you so peacefully sleep, i wish that time would freeze and you stay this small forever. So that you would always need mommy by your side or i could always kiss you when i want.

When you’re older and read this, i hope you would not be embarrassed and think that i am crazy for documenting every single thing about you. I wished my mom did this as i was a baby. I have no memories whatsoever from my childhood. It would have been funny knowing what i did when i was one month old. You for example, open your mouth before sleeping and then smile. I don’t know if you’re imagining yourself drinking milk and smile because it is so damn good (hihi)? But everytime you do this, me and daddy cannot help but smile too. You look so satisfied and seeing this makes us proud parents. You curl up like a ball after waking up and you don't suck your thumb, you suck your whole hand.

Satisfaction and contentment is all what i can give you now, so you can imagine how fulfilled i am knowing that you are satisfied and contented. But it’s not always that easy though, there are days when you cry more. It makes me sad that i cannot read your mind and see what you need. It pains me when i cannot stop you from crying when other people can. I would give the whole world just to see you happy. There are days when i want to give up, not because i hate you but because sometimes i am soo tired that i think i cannot give you enough. But giving birth to you was the hardest yet best time of my life that i know, and i am sure of, anything harder than that doesn’t exist.

I could only wish that the next months would not go so fast like the last one. I am not yet ready to share you with the rest of the world. For now, you are my little baby and i am happy to be with you 24 hours a day. For now i am everything you need to survive. For now i am the only person you can run to when you cry. But keep in mind, i will always be here for you, for now, and forever. I LOVE YOU MY SON. Happy first month!

Mommy's cheesy, huh?

living in my pyjamas, balmain has to wait

the lack of posts is mainly because i have been living in my pyjamas for two weeks now. but mind you, my pyjamas are very trendy. this polka dot number is from primark one of my faves. haha. you get my joke, right?

i am still working on a rhythm for the baby with sleeping, breastfeeding and being awake. as soon as i am on it, i will start going out of the house and show the town how cool of a mother i am. hihi. besides, i have big plans of recreating the lovely balmain looks from fashion week and my big box of tights are waiting to be worn.

mommy diaries part 1

hey there you guys. just sneaking out of the baby´s room to update. i just finished feeding him and he´s now off to dreamland. the baby phone is on, so anytime i hear him, i am gone.

i am officially a MOMMY WITHOUT SLEEP.
yes.
it´s hard and i am coping.
i had a normal birth but with anesthesia and his head had to be vacuumed out of me since he didn´t want to get out. must have been good inside me, huh? and so for the vacuum to get in, they had to cut. and sew. so my birth was not really that normal. ;) it still hurts when i walk or sit down but everytime i look at miguel and he smiles (i know he doesn´t mean it yet), all the pain i had and the lack of sleep easily washed away.
the boyfriend has been very supportive, thank god. he is now thinking of being a chef because he now cooks for us while i feed the baby. sometimes he gets so scared at every little sign that the baby isn´t well. he freaks out when the baby cries while he´s changing the diaper. he googles every single thing and then comes to me with all the facts he has read. stressful i know, but very cute. that needs a different post.
i have been photographing every single moment with him, scrapbooking with the little time i have when he sleeps and juggling the house work that has piled up since i was in the hospital. people come everyday to see the baby, which is very nice but sometimes stressful. we need to make coffee or tea, prepare everything, and i can´t feed the baby when there´s somebody watching.
i hope i will catch up with you guys really soon, but as of the moment, miguel is on the top of the list and if this means stop blogging, then i will do it. i would even sell my soul just to make that little boy happy. and if ever i have to choose between my shoes and miguel, well, you know the answer right?
so if i start writing about diaper genies and the perfect carseats, would you still read my blog?

i guess not.

Miguel is here!

Hi, this is modejunkie´s boyfriend. Just reporting that our bundle of joy came on the 18th of September, 2008 at 12:00 midnight. Miguel Leon weighs 3080 grams & is 51cm long. his mommy will be blogging again on Monday.

Here They Are!!! :)

i am so proud to have these pictures. i know someday, when i am 60 years old, i´ll look back at these and tell, "dayymm i look hawt!"... haha! kidding aside, i never thought this pregnancy will be a breeze. but thanks to all your kind words, aside from the vomiting part, this is the best experience i have or will ever have pre-motherhood times. i am so glad that you can be part of that chapter and i hope you continue to be with me in the next days. this blog may not be all about clothes anymore, i hope you still read and share your thoughts!we did these at her house not a studio and that´s me laughing, as they told me i am on the wrong side. you are not supposed to see that clothes pin holding that piece of cloth! lol

and this one was because the boyf was doing all those funny faces as he thought the camera was not yet rolling. he´s camera shy by the way! you could tell. peace!

p.s. the photo shoot was so fun, and i will never have done it thanks to you pam and sandra! you rocked! although this was soo akward (taking my clothes off and stuff) you made it easier and the results are exactly what i expected them. thanks to pam and sandra! woot to both of u!

What This Blog Means to Me..

after reading posts from my girls kitten and pammy, i decided to write my own personal entry to what this blog means to me. so if you´re not up for drama, you might as well close this window and go on with your surfing. i would understand.

my life story in a nutshell:

it all started when i decided to marry. at age 19.
i decided to quit school as i was just on the peak of it. i was studying chemical engineering at ateneo (a very prestigious school in the philippines). i know for others it´s like no big deal, but my mother worked her ass off in england as a nurse (yeah that´s the only way you can send your children to prestigious schools in the phils. if you´re not a son of a businessman or a politician). i was a dean´s lister, that was my way of showing gratitude. everybody was against my decision. but knowing me, if i set my mind into something, i will do everything to get it. i thought even at my young age, i am capable of making right decisions. my german boyfriend had it all figured out. i am gonna come to him in germany, study the language and then continue with my studies. sounds like a plan. and a dream come true. it was such a fairy tale. there was one point there that i thought it will end up, happily ever after.

so fast forward, i arrived in germany. i saw snow. wow. (that´s a common gag among us in the philippines, we all want to go abroad to see snow.)

i first had difficulty with the language. i did not understand a thing. my poor 2 week german course in the philippines was a waste of time and money. and my busy husband had no time or patience whatsoever to help me. so i was enrolled in an intensive german class, and boy did i learn fast. in a span of 6 months i could speak crooked german.

my german class

but then all the different problems came. i won´t go into details but it ended up badly. so bad that i was confined in the hospital and must give a police report. two separate incidents. that would now explain for my on going divorce. my fairy tale just shattered before my very eyes. and what´s worse was, that i was more afraid to tell my parents that i´m getting one as the fact that i am getting divorced. i was so embarrassed to have failed my family. even more embarrassed as failing myself. then they told me to come back to my country and i shall continue school. i almost wanted to go back. almost. my time alone was so scary and painful that i went to bed and woke up in the morning with tears in my eyes. but since i decided to stay, i had to pretend i was fine. i decided to pack my bags and go somewhere else, far away from the people i thought my family here was. a friend i met at my german class offered her 1 room apartment to share with me. then i looked for a job with my broken german. at that point, i didn´t care if i would have to clean toilets or bake bread. because the savings i had while i was still with my husband was disappearing like bubbles each day. anything would have sufficed. so h&m contacted me for an interview. that went pretty weird. i memorized my perfect german line from my handy dandy dictionary, i could still remember it was something like, give me a chance and you will never regret it. so they took me. the day i received my first pay, was the day i moved to my own one room apartment. it was all like a drama series for me. i never thought it would happen to me in real life. i worked hard. and shopped hard. haha. so my inclination with h&m is not only because i like their clothes, but because they gave me hope. in fact the only one who gave me strength when everybody i thought was turning their backs on me.

i worked hard. i swallowed my pride and worked hard. another fact: in the philippines, salesladies are looked down upon. they´re the people who can´t afford school and too sutpid to get into a real job. they´re girls who are overly smeared with make-up and wear the wrong shades of stockings. well that was my impression of them before. now i have a new-found respect for these girls and the work they´re doing. because now i am one of them. minus the make-up and the stockings. i was earning an amount i would have just dreamed of in my own country working as an engineer. so after some months, i was promoted part-time to full-time. i was so proud of myself.

but then my visa expired. as if my troubles would never end. because my marriage was shorter than two years, they can´t give me a new visa so the embassy told me to go back to the philippines. which i would soo not. i went to a lawyer and appealed my case. he managed to get me my new visa for a sum i was able to pay in two months. legal fees here are craaazzzyy.
then came christmas, my birthday and new year. that was the loneliest time of my life to date. no amount of food or gifts could have made up for that loneliness. though i was with a friend´s family, it was not the same. i spent 19 years of christmas in the philippines and that´s just a whole different story. but santa gave me a very special gift to make up for the sad christmas i had. a boyfriend. i never thought i would love again. given what i have been through, i could have been easily a man hater for life or a lesbo. but it was so different. isn´t it everytime? long story short, we are now living together and expecting a baby this september.

so this blog may just be a blog to you, but to me it´s my journal. my diary. except that it´s not locked. it´s open for everybody to see and read. i have nothing to hide. my outfit posts or my look-what-i´ve-bought posts are somehow my call to the world that my life is well now. i can afford to buy things i like, from money that i so worked hard for. and that my style has something to do with all the things i have experienced here. YOU are all part of all the places i have been to,
of all the new things i have learned and of all the challenges i have managed to surpass. to the very small group of people who had been reading my humble blog, thank you. you just don´t realize how much the lovely and sincere comments you´ve been leaving me, make my day. i would love to show this blog to my baby, MIGUEL, yes that´s gonna be his name, when he´s old enough to read, so that he´ll know how much this blog had helped me get on with my life as i was very close to giving up.
so i´m gonna wrap this up, and say, to all the people who had emailed me about my ABOUT ME in the blog, this one´s for you. i am no hero to inspire, but if i did in any way, i am thankful. my fairy tale could still come true after all.


p.s.: sorry for the bore.